Oh Internet, have I got a story that needs to be told.
Friday night, I had the pleasure of accompanying Bdog, Tyler, Chris and Andrew to the Neon Trees show in Rexburg, ID. Show was great, lots of new fans, good pictures...all that. After the show, we packed up and stopped for gas before getting on the freeway. As we pulled out of the gas station, we made a turn toward the freeway (going quite slowly, I might add). A police car had followed us out of the gas station, then pulled us over right after the turn. He said we were speeding...which was totally impossible. Anyway, he asked where we were going, what were we doing in Rexburg, why we're trying to drive in the middle of the night, what kind of music they play and a slew of other invasive and unnecessary questions. All the while, Andrew is hiding under a blanket, under my legs, as he's nervous that we're violating the seat belt law and may get in trouble. Yes, this is the extent of our law breaking...the seat belt law.
So, the cop asked to see all of our ID's then took them back to his car for a while. When he returned, he asked Chris to step out of the van for a few questions. He left Chris outside, then asked Tyler to step out of the van for a few questions. He then came back and opened the back door to talk to Bdog and me. He was shining his light all around the inside, looking for something to bust us on, and never realized there was a human body under my feet. He asked if Branden and I were married. We said yes, and that we were in a hurry to get home to our kids that were at the neighbors. He said "I understand. I just need to know there's nothing illegal in here that I should be worried about." We told him there wasn't so much as a cup of coffee in the car and that we were super squeaky clean. I wonder if he really thought we were hiding anything, or if he believed us...as Tyler had confessed when handing over his ID, "I look Iranian in my photo, but I'm not."
He let us all back in, then explained that on average he arrests a band every weekend for drugs or drunk driving. Chris assured him that we were all "returned missionaries" and there was none of that going on. In the end, he wasn't too big of a jerk. But wait...
We then got on the freeway, and not 15 minutes later, we got pulled over AGAIN! This guy wanted to know where we were going? Why were we in Idaho? What kind of music they play? Why are Chris' eyes so red? What beverages do we have inside? Why are we driving in the middle of the night? How did they book a show in Idaho? Where do they usually stay when touring? All the while shining the light around inside the van looking for something to bust us on. It was a little nuts. Again, he wanted to see ID's and took them back to the car. Andrew was once again, hiding under my legs and really nervous. He must have thought that if he got caught with no seat belt that we'd have to leave him in the bitter Idaho wind on the side of the freeway. While the cop was running our info, I said, "Andrew, can you breathe?" All he could say was "I don't know!" I totally got the prayer giggles and could not stop laughing at this totally ridiculous situation. If the cop only knew we had babies at home we wanted to get to, and a ward activity at our house that night, he'd know why we were in such a hurry to get home. I felt like we should have given him our temple recommends along with our ID's. That might have got him off our backs a little faster.
He brought back the ID's and again asked why Chris' eyes were so red. He had to explain that they had a show 2 nights before in Hollywood, and had driven all the way to SLC right after that show, then to Idaho the next day, and were currently trying to drive back to SLC, so he was a little tired. The cop said, "Hollywood, California?" As if it were a far away country. Right then it felt like a far away country.
He finally let us go and told us to slow down. It was pretty funny that we were the target of blatant profiling. We were just happy to be a van full of molly mormons so that we truly had nothing to hide. I'm feeling like I might just be a little old for this rock 'n roll biz.